Ob and Jacks Excellent Adventure
by Death By Stereo
Summary: RETARDED NEWSIES STORY. We brought you a RETARDED LOST BOYS FIC and now its the Newsies turn to be scared
1. Spring Loaded

The Screwed up Version of the Newsies ^__________^ N/N: Newsie Name Chapter One: .................. Spring Loaded!!!!  
  
Racetrack settled tiredly onto his bed, cigar hanging from his mouth, dark hair all across his sweaty face, he was bored, extremely bored. It was just reaching midnight when a loud crash rocked the whole of the room causing several of the boys to utter curse words and run to the window to see what happened. There was absolutly no one on the dark cobble stone street who could have made that noise, unless the street lights had grown legs and decided to gone on a rampage or something but.. that was impossible. Yards away from the Lodging, and when i say yards I mean in the alley beside it, were two mishappened silhoettes of the most confused looking girls tangelled up in long black trenchcoats and attempting to force the black sunglasses bak onto there eyes. The first to stand up was Chelsea (N/N: Obsessor or.. Ob ^__^). She looked around innocently and tried to make it look like nothing had happened, she had a very large dirt smeer on her nose.  
  
"Thanks for helping me up man, really appreciate it," Ashley (N/N: Jack, after notorius killer of England in the 1888 Jack the Ripper) thwarped Ob over the head with a chain.  
  
"Ow! that does hurt your know," Ob grabbed her slingshot," Dont make me Soak you."  
  
Jack quickly changed the subject," Where in the 9 levels of hell are we?"  
  
"There are 9 levels of Hell now?!"  
  
"Apparently.."  
  
There was awkward silence when a horse and cart headed down the street in the girls directions.  
  
"Shit.." Jack dove behind a cardboard box and attempted to mold into the shadows, Ob jumped into a Garbage Can and put the lid over her head so she couldnt be seen, hoping that it was a Garbage cart coming to pick up the garbage.  
  
The horse and cart disappeared around the corner and Jack stood up, long Matrix trenchcoat all, flappy around her ankles. Ob stood up and suddnely looked like Oscar the Grouch from Seasme Street that Jack doubled over with loud laughter.  
  
"You look like Oscar the Grouch!!"  
  
... I just said she did.....  
  
"Shuddup Jack... or Ima soak ya!" Ob pulled out her sling shot again.  
  
"Where can i get me one of the those?" Jack pondered this for a moment and reached into her bak pocket and pulled out a slingshot." Ahh, thats where I can get me one of those, meh bak pocket, very convinent!"  
  
"Right," Ob blinked," Lets go?"  
  
"Where? we dont have a place TO go," Jack sighed," We shall sleep in the street!"  
  
"Like homeless people?" Ob gawped.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"OK!!"  
  
Both girls jumped into boxes and slept the rest of the night under their big ass Matrix trenchcoats, still wondering where the hell they were and how in the hell they got there.  
  
The old man walked around through the room, jabbing the Newsies in the backs to wake them up and get them selling the papers like they were suppose to. Jack Kelly put up a fight and in the end was dragged out of bed by Mush and Racetrack who was kinda small so was having trouble.All the newsies broke into loud singing and down in the alley woke Ob and Jack (Ripper) up, both were stiff from sleeping in boxes and had very large black circles under their eyes.  
  
"...Whats with the singing"Jack (Ripper) asked, busting her way out of the cardboard box.  
  
"Dunno..." Ob busted her way out of the box and both did the guitar riff for a breif second and attempted to find out where the singing was coming from. A door nearest Jack (Ripper) opened and she jumped back into the alley adn fell over the delapidated box while Ob tried to climb the grimy wall like spider man but failed.  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
The boys that had burst out of the door had broken into dance steps and back flips for some reason. Ob and Jack (Ripper) looked concerned for the boys sanity when acouple of Nuns stared singing down the street, all 3 nuns where standing on a cart when Jack (Ripper) got a mad/psychopathic glint in her eye.  
  
"Nuns.." She breathed heavily, twisted smile on her face," I hate Nuns... must.. do something about.. god like.. Women.. wait here..."  
  
Ob grinned stupidly and watched Jack( Ripper) disappear into the alley and swung her gaze to the nuns handing out bread and stuff in cups to the Newsies when a very large, flaming piece of fabric hurled its self at the Nuns who all screamed and caugh on fire. The Newsie boys ran down the street not wanting to be caugh at the sceen of the Nun Burning, Ob could make out a faint silhoette of someone with a blow torch and a very large can of lighter fluid dancing around the burning cart like someone from a tribe.  
  
"Jack.. your making an ass of yourself..-.-" Ob blinked and dragged Jack(Ripper) off to the house the boys had just come out of.  
  
"Noooo!!! Come bak fire!!!!" Jack(Ripper) Cried,flailing her arms around like a nut ball.  
  
"You need to lay down..." Ob dragged her insane companion up some stairs and pushed her into a bed before going off to explore the bathroom for somereason.  
  
"Anything interesting in there Ob?"  
  
"Ya.. they keep the toilet seat down!"  
  
Jack (Ripper) laughed insanely. The day dragged on and both Girls had no idea that the Newsies were on their way home when the door to the room opened and Racetrack stepped in with Jack and Mush. Ob blinked and dove behind a door, but.. Jack *Ripper* didnt do anything except cackle insanely and play with her lighter which was burning her hand becuz she wasnt to bright and didnt know when to stop.  
  
"... i dont remember leaving no Goil in here!" Racetrack narrowed his eyes," S'pecailly some nut one.."  
  
"I am NOT a nut, i am a cruton!" Jack *Ripper* fell off the bed she was sitting on, howling with laughter. Ob fell from behind the door laughing too and snorting.  
  
"Fweee!" Jack *Ripper* grinned and stood up, she walked bravely over to Racetrack and started humming a song with her fist in his face with the a finger slightly up then the rest." Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do POP GOES THE WEASEL!" and her middle finger shot up and she cackled." Spring Loaded!" and flicked his nose before running behind Ob.  
  
"Im gonna soak her!" Racetrack charged and Mush held him back.  
  
"MEWWW!!" And Ob and Jack *ripper* ran from the house with their big ass Matrix Coats! 


	2. Flying Nuns

Chapter 2: Flying Nuns  
  
--------------  
  
"Hey Ob, what does 'soak' mean?" Jack (Ripper) asked as they lost the big crowd of raging Newsies when they began to dance and sing a song about selling papers.  
  
"Dunno. But that guy you gave the birdie to was kinda hot." Ob smirked devilishly.  
  
"Nah," Jack (Ripper) grinned even wider, "I'll go for the cowboy." she made a box using both her thumbs and pointer fingers and said, "So hot. Want to touch the hiney. AROO!" Ob joined in the 'aroo' and they riffed their imaginaruy guitars.  
  
"The cowboy looks plastic. His face is shiny." Ob crinkled her nose and snorted as the cowboy tripped over his own feet and fell down.  
  
"No. SPOT IS PLASTIC!! DOWN THERE!" Jack (Ripper) raged, biting Ob's arm.  
  
Instead of freaking out, demanding a tetanus shot from the bite, Ob said "Who's Spot?"  
  
"We'll see him and his plastic faced drug-lord self later. Let's go piss off some crutons!"  
  
"Newsies?" Ob supplied, raising her eyebrows.  
  
".....yes."  
  
"Shall we go in stalk mode?" Ob inquired, wringing her hands eagerly.  
  
"Let's go!" Jack agreed immediatly.  
  
"Atoms away!" Ob and Jack ran off side by side in the opposite direction they were running the first time, their suspenders and trenchcoats flailing behind them in sheer terror.  
  
~  
  
"What's going on now?" Ob returned beside her accomplice, chocolate smeared over her face, which a half-finished ice cream in one hand and a piece of bread in the other.  
  
"They finished singing and the cowboy just tipped this fag dudes hot over and now - hey. Where'd you get the bread?" Jack (Ripper) asked enviously.  
  
"Those nuns you torched threw it at me." Ob said sadly. "Oh! The cowboys talking to someone." she pointed.  
  
"His name is Jack. Can you believe it? It's like it was meant to be! Jack and Jack! APPLES!" Jack hopped around to point out that she was indeed, scary.  
  
"That David dude has a huge neck!" Ob said aloud, ignoring the fact that she didn't know how she knew the dudes name was David. She saw the cowboy Jack run again, and asked, "Why did he run off in the first place again?"  
  
"He tipped over some guys hat." Jack (Ripper) replied.  
  
"OOOOOOO!!" Ob shouted dramatically, getting a lot of stares from a couple of little Newsies. "That's one huge ass insult right there. Whoo doggie."  
  
"Yer tellin' me!" Jack bit Ob again, who just shrugged her off.  
  
"Oh! Oh! A little fight! Take out the grenades!" Ob ordered.  
  
Jack (Ripper) looked scared. "Erm...grenades?"  
  
"Yeah! Quick! Hurry!"  
  
"They're gone."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"They're gone."  
  
"I heard you!"  
  
"Then why did you say - "  
  
"Why are they gone?!"  
  
"I stuck 'em on the nuns. There should be extra crispy nun pieces flying over our heads in three seconds."  
  
"How many?" Ob is very deaf.  
  
"THREE!" Jack (Ripper) shouted.  
  
"I think it's been more than three seconds already, sheriff." Ob pointed out.  
  
"No it hasn't."  
  
"Now it DEFINITLY has been more. Are you sure they weren't duds?"  
  
"JUST BE PATIENT!" Jack scolded after she punched Ob's shoulder.  
  
"Yer mom!" Ob folded her arms across her chest and waitied for the explosion that didn't come.  
  
~  
  
"I don't want your papers!" David handed back the bunch of papers to cowboy Jack, who didn't take them.  
  
"Newsies always want more papes." he smiled.  
  
"Well, I don't." David said, acting all preppy.  
  
"Yer goin' ta need 'em whens we'se become business partners." cowboy Jack said as though the matter had already been decided.  
  
"A ha!" David exhaled a laugh of disbelief.  
  
"A ha!" Jack mocked him.  
  
"A HA!" a laugh echoed off the walls from behind Racetrack.  
  
"A HA!" another laugh erupted from behind Mush.  
  
Jack was trying hard not to grope Mush as she stood behind him but she only decided to pinch his ass. She had stolen cowboy Jack's hat and was wearing it in a proud manner.  
  
Ob was behind Racetrack, knees bent in an attempt to hide her 5'6 body behind Race's 5'2 build. She wasn't that sucessful.  
  
"It's dose goils again!" Racetrack drawled, his accent swooning Jack (Ripper) and Ob all the way to Turkey.  
  
Mm. Turkey.  
  
"I'se taught we'se chased 'em away!" cowboy Jack grabbed his hat back from Jack (Ripper)  
  
"I'm the King of New York!" Ob stated in a matter-of-fact way.  
  
"What?!" Racetrack and Bumlets and Specs and Skittery and Snipeshooter said in unison.  
  
"You'll understand later." Ob explained.  
  
"Let's soak 'em for Crutchy!" cowboy Jack declared, although Crutchy wasn't in the refuge yet. The rest of the Newsies began to cheer and shout as cowboy Jack and Mush hoisted Jack (Ripper) above their shoulders and carried her alongside Ob, who was being carried by Racetrack and Specs.  
  
From the magic of fakeness, there just happened to be a running hose no more than two feet from where everyone was so thats where cowboy Jack ordered everyone to go. The four guys carrying the two scary ladies dropped them against a wall and cowboy Jack picked up the hose.  
  
"What does soak mean?" Jack (Ripper) asked cowboy Jack.  
  
Cowboy Jack aimed the hose right at Ob and Jack (Ripper). He "soaked" Ob and Jack (Ripper) until their trenchcoats weighed them down from all of the water weight. They all cheered and high fived each other and smacked each other and then went off to sell papers.  
  
"Let's follow them!" Jack (Ripper) got to her feet excitedly.  
  
"Ooh, Racetrack," Ob got to her feet also. "He will be mine. Oh yes. He will be mine."  
  
"I want Racetrack!"  
  
"You have Jack!" Ob told her.  
  
"But I want Racetrack!"  
  
"Take Jack full time and I'll take Race full time. You can have the cowboy ALL you want!"  
  
"You get Spot full time! Give ME Racetrack!"  
  
"Who's Spot?!"  
  
"You'll know later!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine! But I still want Racetrack." Jack (Ripper) crossed her arms.  
  
"He's MINE dammit! I get him and . . that guy . . . Spat."  
  
"It's SPOT!"  
  
"YOUR MOM!"  
  
"How about we time-share Racetrack?"  
  
"...."  
  
"...."  
  
"...."  
  
"EXCELLENT!" They both spit shook hands and continued after the Newsies who left to sell papers.  
  
Just then, a roaring blast rang through the Manhattan roads and buildings and a couple of nuns soared through the air.  
  
"Whoa. Flying nun." Ob said in awe.  
  
"Good one!" Ob and Jack (Ripper) guitar riffed and hopped, skipped and jumped after the Manhattan Newsies.  
  
------------------ 


	3. 9 out of 10 voices tell me I can hurt u

*************************************** Chapter Three: 9 out of 10 voices tell me I can hurt u..... Jack R. and Ob had melted into stalking the newsies the next morning, determined to get Cowboy back for 'soaking' them with that damn hose. Ob was humming "I'm the King of New York" and wondered if there were any new nuns around. Jack R. yawned and choked on a piece of apple and pointed at the newsies all in a circle and Cowboy was fighting some guy.  
  
"I say we join in!" Ob cackled.  
  
"I agree!"  
  
Both girls hurried into the circle of excited Newsies and moved right to the front. Ob was standing next to Racetrack and giggled faintly.  
  
"Wow... whos the dude with the stash?" Jack R. blinked," He's ugly!"  
  
Ob laughed when a fist came outta nowhere and plowed Jack R. right in the nose.  
  
Jack R. fell in slow motion to the ground, a trickle of blood coming from her nose.  
  
"SON OF A - - WHO EVER THREW THAT PUNCH IS GONNA DIE!" Jack R. raged insanely.  
  
Oscar cackled.  
  
Jack R. howled and tackled him, they rolled over there and Ob beat the living shit out of the other Delancy brudda for the sheer enjoyment of kicking some ass!  
  
"Whoa! Calm down!!" Mush held Jack R. back while she flailed her arms trying to get at Oscar while swearing a whole lot.  
  
Another set of flying nuns passed over head and Ob didn't faintly remember putting grenades in them  
  
"RAWR!!! LEMME AT HIM! IMA KICK HIS UGLY ASS FROM HERE TO BROOKLYN!!!!!!!!!" Jack R continued to rage.  
  
"NEVER FEAR! BROOKLYN IS RIGHT HERE!?" Spot (Spat as Chelsea called him) had arrived and was blinking in Jack R.'s raging direction. Ob swooned!  
  
"So THATS Spit!" Ob smiled.  
  
"SPOT!" Jack R yelled just as several nuns came shooting out from over head.  
  
Ob and Jack R did the guitar riff.  
  
Oscar and Morris screwed off like little babies and disappeared out of this fic for now ^__^ "YEE HAAWWW RIDE EM COWBOY!" Jack R howled.  
  
"Ride what?" Cowboy Jack asked.  
  
"Not u!"  
  
"Oh"  
  
Ob and Jack broke into square dancing while everybody else looked at them like doorknobs. Spot joined in and dances with Ob, Cowboy joined in and danced with his slingshot, Race joined in and danced with a wall and Mush joined in and danced with Jack R. because all the inanimate objects were taken up. The whole supply of newsies started doing the square dance and ya..  
  
This is Jacks work. She's a little crazy. *runs away yelling * 


	4. Davids Underpants

After everyone finished square dancing with each other, cowboy Jack held up his hands and shouted, "Let's get back ta our papes, Newsies!" he turned to Jack (Ripper) and Ob, "Youse goils can wait for us at da lodging house when until we come back."  
  
To break the awkward tension, Ob shouted, "Don't think about doing anything to us! I KNOW KARATE!" she did a few high yahs and punches to show that she meant business.  
  
"Kar - a - tay?" cowboy Jack cocked an eyebrow.  
  
Jack (Ripper) smacked Ob to get to shut up. She WANTED cowboy Jack to think evil thoughts!  
  
"Kay. We'll see youse later!" cowboy Jack turned his back. (Hey! That rhymed!)  
  
"I LOVE YOU JACK!!" Jack (Ripper) screamed at the top of her lungs. Cowboy Jack turned around to see Jack (Ripper) pointed at a very confused looking Ob. Jack (Ripper) said quickly. "I - I - It was Ob. S-She was talking to me!"  
  
"I was not! I AIN'T NO LEZBO!"  
  
"Lez - bow?" Mush was confused.  
  
Cowboy Jack smirked and ran off, dozens of Newsies following.  
  
"They run allot." Ob said aloud.  
  
"Hey, look what I 'jacked'." Jack (Ripper) pulled out cowboy Jack cowboy hat from her pocket. It somehow managed to fit.  
  
"Big deal!" Ob didn't look the least bit impressed. "Look what I 'obbed'." she whipped out Spot's slingshot. (RHYMAGE!)  
  
"So? I snagged Race's hat!"  
  
"So? I got Race's cigar! It still has his spit on it! NOW I CAN CLONE HIM!" Ob hopped around triumphantly.  
  
"SO? I GOT JACKS BANDANA!!! AND IT'S SWEATY!"  
  
"WELL I GOT SPOTS UNDERPANTS!" Ob yanked out a pair of red undies.  
  
"...."  
  
"YOU HEARD ME!"  
  
"...."  
  
"...."  
  
"How?"  
  
Ob shrugged.  
  
"Let me see those." Jack (Ripper) took them away and screamed within seconds. A real bloodcurdling, hair-in-your-EARS-stand-up scream. "EW YOU TOOK DAVIDS UNDIES!!"  
  
Ob barfed instantly, spitting on her hands to rid herself of any David germs that had made a home on them. Ob double checked the waistband of the undies (they were on the floor now that Jack (Ripper) threw them away from her) and sure enough, scrawled along the waistband was the name 'DAVIE'.  
  
"EW! I'm contaminated!!" Ob shrieked, rubbing Spots sling shot germs on her hands.  
  
"Uh, excuse me?" came a voice.  
  
Jack (Ripper) and Ob turned their heads at the same time to where the voice came from. It came from a preppy looking brunette.  
  
"What do YOU want?" Jack (Ripper) snarled, prepared to give her a wedgie.  
  
"Hi. I'm Sarah Jacobs. David Jacobs sister." she explained, extending a hand to Ob, then to Jack (Ripper); neither of them shook it.  
  
"You die now." Ob stated, hating David even more.  
  
"No! Wait! I - I'm Jack's girlfriend!" she sputtered.  
  
Ob laughed. "Show's how much YOU know, moron! JACKS A GIRL!" Ob yelled, thinking she was talking about Jack (Ripper). But she finally caught on and laughed sheepishly as Jack (Ripper) walked close to Sarah.  
  
"You die NOW!" Jack (Ripper) took out her shotgun and fired at Sarah.   
  
Sarah died.  
  
And we were all very sad.  
  
*snort*  
  
~  
  
"Jack, it's okay! Dere'll be odda goils!" Racetrack handed a very upset Jacky-boy a mug of Rootbeer.   
  
"Why did she hafta die?" Jack whined, accepting the mug. He returned home from his papers to find out that Sarah had been missing, and found dead beside the Lodging House.  
  
Spot slugged down the rest of his beer. "I'm hot," he stated.  
  
Race rolled his eyes and David giggled like a little girl in agreement. He was surprisingly happy seeing as how his sister had just died. It was quite possible he was content with having Spot so close to him.  
  
After a few more minutes of Spot stating that he was gorgeous, Ob and Jack (Ripper) bounced inside the Lodging house, mysteriously covered in blood and holding David's red undies with two sticks.  
  
"That's where those went!" David sighed, relieved that his undies were returned to him.  
  
Spot got to his feet and took off his hat. "I'm hot."  
  
"I know." Ob said dreamily.  
  
"David's a girl!" Jack (Ripper) exclaimed randomly.  
  
"Spot's hot!" David grinned  
  
"Ob's got my sling shot!" Spot whined.  
  
"Cowboy Jack is made of plastic!" Ob yelled, pointing frantically.  
  
"Hey! Screw off goil! I ain't made of plastic!" cowboy Jack roared.  
  
"Plastic!"  
  
"GOIL!"  
  
"DON'T CALL ME A GOIL!"  
  
"GOIL!"  
  
"PLASTIC!"  
  
"Jack is a DAVID!" Jack (Ripper) screamed after she made out with Racetrack for two seconds.  
  
Ob gasped. Gasped so loud and so long that she choked on her own spit. "BURRRNN!!" she laughed forever.  
  
Spot looked to Race.  
  
Race looked to Mush.  
  
Mush looked to Snipe shooter.  
  
Snipe shooter looked to Crutchy.  
  
Crutchy looked to Boots.  
  
Boots looked to Les.  
  
Les looked to David.  
  
David swooned at cowboy Jack.  
  
Jack stared at Jack (Ripper).  
  
Jack (Ripper) stared at her imaginary friend, Freddy.  
  
Freddy gawked at Ob.  
  
Ob picked her nose.  
  
"Is this chapter over yet?" Ob sighed, flicking her booger at David's turned butt crack.  
  
"I guess." Jack (Ripper) shrugged, grabbing Racetrack for another make-out session.  
  
---------------- 


	5. Tissue Paper Is Fun

Chapter 5: Tissue Paper Is Fun  
  
Ob: Jack (Ashley) is insanely lazy and this chapter is mega short.  
  
==================  
  
Jack (ripper) stretched out onto Cowboy's bed and yawned absentmindedly while quoting the 10 commandments to herself. Ob was somewhere with Racetrack doing god knows what, Mush was advising everyone to steer clear of the closet as it was making giggling noises.  
  
"'Oi, get off meh bed" Cowboy rolled Jack off his bed and flopped down, smirking happily.  
  
"Hey! Ow much!" Jack kicked Cowboy in the side and stormed towards the door when the closet door shot open and beamed Jack in the face.  
  
"...oooh..pitty stars and birdies..." Jack giggled madly and fell backwards into Cowboys arms (A/n WOOO!!) Ob stepped out of the overly large closet and beamed proudly. Race stepped out after her, covered in kiss marks the size of Texas and was beaming dreamily.  
  
"....we'z not gunna ask what 'appened.." Mush shuddered violently.  
  
Jack suddenly leapt out of Cowboys arms and ran to the closet," Holy Crandle!"  
  
Ob snorted out laughing and quoted the Simpsons," What! Barts teachers name is Crabopple?... I've been calling her Crandle!"  
  
Jack fell over snorting and milk that had somehow found its way into her nose spurted out with the force of..stuff.  
  
Cowboy blinked.  
  
Race Blinked  
  
Mush Blinked  
  
Kid Blink...Blinked  
  
Cowboy blinked again.  
  
" Oooooo!! dust bunny!! eee ehhehe!" Jack tore off on all fours after a dust bunny that had 'scampered' under Skitterys bed, she meowed happily and clawed at the stupid dust bunny while everyone else blinked and wondered who fed Jack the crack....  
  
"HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THIS CLOSET...DUDE... IT'S FILLED WITH...... MULTICOLORED TISSUE PAPER AND RANDOM STAMPS!" Kid Blink laughed insanely. (A/n The closet looks like the Spice Girls bus thing in Spice World XD!)  
  
"RANDOM! I LOVE RANDOM!" Ob tore into the closet and sat in a pile of tissue paper. Jack chased her dust bunny into the closet and soon the Newsies where in the closet and covered in stamps because Jack had gone on a major stamping massacre and everyone had lip stamps on their faces. Ob was laughing insanely and tying tissue paper together and using it as a whip to whip race even though that sounds horribly bad but its not suppose to.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TISSUE PAPER CUT!" Jack sobbed," ITTTT BBBURRRRNNNSSS!!!"  
  
Ob smacked Jack  
  
Jack smacked Race  
  
Race Smacked Kid Blink  
  
Kid Blink kicked Crutchy  
  
Crutchy fell over into Cowboy  
  
Cowboy ate a mushroom  
  
Mushroom danced in Cowboys stomach.....  
  
"Is this really going any where?" Skittery Interrupted in the middle of knitting himself a sweater for the winter months.  
  
".....Why are u knitting?" Race asked.  
  
"..Sometimes I like to get in touch with my feminine side.." Skittery grinned stupidly.  
  
"RIGHT... U BIG LOSER!" Ob laughed  
  
Skittery ran away crying like a little girl with his pink fuzzy wool sweater.  
  
"Well Christ Ob, you didn't have to insult his girlie - ness" Jack smiled playing that game with a knife that u stab the space in between your fingers.  
  
"Yes I did"  
  
"Nu uh!"  
  
"Ya huh!"  
  
"Nu huh"  
  
"Ya huh!"  
  
"ENOUGH!!!!!!!"  
  
"EEEEEEE WHATS YOUR PROBLEM COWPIE!"  
  
.....and this continued on for some time which resulted in someone getting a black eye....I'm not sure who though.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jack: EEEE EHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE!!!!!!! *laughing insanely* 


	6. Death Is Upon Us

**Chapter Whatever: Death Is Upon Us**

* * *

"Hey Jack?" 

Jack (Ripper) looked up from the mountainous pile of tissue paper. "Hmm?"

"Ever feel like you're completely in a daze? Like time seems to freeze in the moment? And we don't move for months?"

Jack (Ripper) spat the bright pink paper from her mouth with a comedic 'poof'.

"Suuuuure?" she said cautiously.

"I think we just had that type of thing. We've been frozen here for … a long time!"

"Wow. That's weird."

Ob smiled gratefully. "So you think so too?"

"No, it's weird that you actually said something intellectual."

Ob suddenly got defensive. "I bet you couldn't even _SPELL_ 'intellectual'!"

Jack (Ripper) gasped so deeply that she ended up choking on the air. "How dare ye!"

"SPELL IT!"

Race suddenly popped into view. "I can spell it!"

Ob and Jack looked at Race and stated in unison: "Go for it."

Racetrack Higgins smiled playfully, showing off his nappy teeth.

Ob blinked. "Nappy?"

"OB!" Jack hit her. "FOCUS!"

Racetrack Higgins smiled playfully, showing off his nappy teeth.

Ob threw her hands in the air. "NO! I can't work like this! I can't work when words like THAT are being tossed around! 'Nappy'! Why not … 'gross'? 'ugly'? 'crooked'?"

Racetrack crossed his arms in front of his tiny chest. "Hmph!" he hmphed.

Jack (Ripper) rolled her eyes. "Because 'nappy' sounds all gangster-ish."

Skittery jumped in. "And that's what dem kids are into these days."

"Gaahh!" Ob fumed heatedly. "This is sick! I can't work like this. I'll be in my trailer!" She attempted to storm off but Cowboy caught her with a lasso made of tissue paper.

She giggled madly. "OoH! Jack, not here! Wait for the bedroom before you tie me up!"

Jack (Ripper) slapped somebody. Two guesses who it was.

Okay, going back to the nappy - er _crooked_ teeth.

Racetrack Higgins smiled playfully, showing off his crooked teeth.

"I can spell it!"

"I can spell cheeseburger," Jack (Ripper) insisted. She looked up to the roof and spun off random letters. Ob slapped her.

Kid Blink had begun to dance around. "I'm a blonde! I'm a blonde! B - L - O - N - … J - Q -…X!"

Ob and Jack (Ripper) blinked several times. Ob drooled from staying still so long.

"Sick!" Jack (Ripper) exclaimed.

"I bet you can't even SPELL 'sick'!"

Ob was briskly pummeled to the floor.

"WE ALREADY WENT THROUGH THAT SCENARIO!" Jack claimed.

From a tiny spot (conlon) on the floor, Ob uttered in a tiny voice:

"I betcha can't even SPELL scenario!"

Suddenly, a husky voice reverberated off the walls and into every newsie's left ear. All the blood went cold; even the tissue paper shivered in fright.

It was Spot Conlon.

He'd magically appeared at the doorway, look sexy in a tight overshirt with the top few buttons undone. Ob died. Jack swooned. Both Jacks. Yes. Cowboy is gay. All gay, right down to his plastic complexion.

"Is that Spit?" Ob bobbed up and down, forcing her eyes away from the likes of Spot Conlon's tight ass. Jack (Ripper) nodded, then turned to Ob hastily.

"It's Spot, doorknob!"

"I bet you can't even spell !"

"What is goin' on heah?" Spot Conlon asked in his terrible accent. Ob ran over to him, canoodled him, and then she disappeared in the closet.

Jack (Ripper) stood atop some of the tissue paper. "Err nothin'."

"Don't look like nuttin," Spot replied.

"Your Engish astounds me."

Spot froze. "Engish?"

"Yes."

"A buh - "

"You're hot."

Spot blinked. "Come again?"

"No thanks, I'm finished."

"Ew!" Ob ewwed from the closet. She emerged shyly, stood next to Skittery, squeezed his buttocks, and ran away, skipping merrily through the pounds of tissue paper. Jack (Ripper) continued to stare at Spot, who was completely floored by the lack of seriousness emitting from these strange girls' pores. He'd met some crazy ones before, oh yes he had, but these ones were just … dumb.

"Hey, hey! Are you with me?" Ob bounded in front of Jack (Ripper)and snapped her fingers in front of the trench coat wearer's eyes. Jack (Ripper) blinked, slapped Ob, and replied with:

"I'm not really your type."

Mush cackled and hit the wall, breaking it. "You hear that fellas? She asked Jack is she was with her and she said 'I'm not really your type'! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h ahahahaha -" Mush died. Everyone mourned.

* * *

... umm ... I'm drunk. 


End file.
